I would describe our friends Jay and Dilek as one of the very coolest couples I’ve ever known. It’s not because of their age or generation (a lot younger than us) or Jay’s rock band or their casual hip-style or their talent and intelligence… It’s not those superficial things—there’s something deeper—a quality and force that comes straight from the heart. Some folks are cool and they know it and they want everyone else to know it. But that’s not Jay and Dilek—who have no pretense, nothing showy—which is why they’re so cool.

Some synonyms for “cool”—excellent, awesome, sensational, fabulous, groovy, hot… My husband, Mark, met Dilek and Jay through a work connection. He came home and said, “There’s a couple you have to meet!” “Why?” I asked. “You’ll see,” he said. And he was right.

That was more than ten years ago. We didn’t get together a lot. But every social occasion with Jay and Dilek was special—we had meals together and we went to concerts, shows, and movies. A year ago, we had a dinner date and went to a private performance by Mark’s cello teacher. We were in a small, narrow room and we all had front row seats for this very special concert.

Two days later, Dilek called and said that Jay was diagnosed with mesothelioma. This disease is from exposure to asbestos. Jay never worked in the asbestos industry, but his high school was insulated with asbestos. He was vulnerable. His father had died young from asbestos-related cancer, he had other relatives with cancer, and he had had a previous bout of cancer.

The prognosis wasn’t good. For a year, Jay endured various forms of treatment. Despite the travails of his treatments, his journal, which he published on Caring Bridge and Facebook, was often funny and always touching. Last October, his entry was titled “I don’t wanna fight no more.” He wrote, “The metaphor of fighting cancer can be inspiring. Who doesn’t want to beat up the bully? But the truth is, spending your days fighting a fight you may not win is exhausting, and at times demoralizing. Instead, I’m choosing to live with cancer. Really live. With laughter, love, and experiences. Eyes and heart wide open.”

His sister and other family and friends organized a fund-raising party in Jay’s honor—to be held on March 9. I think we all wondered—would Jay be there? But he was—and he was bright and animated. I think he had a good time at his party. For all his many friends, it was a treat to be with him.

Jay died on April 15. Our world won’t be the same without him.

We send our love to Dilek, their two young sons, and their family. May his memory be for a blessing.